How to Be a Skinny Person

According to various formulas developed between 53 and 35 years ago, I’m right in my ideal weight zone. Some people have even called me “athletic-looking”, which I think is a sycophantic way of saying “skinny”. Therefore, I thought I’d kindly share with you all how I manage it.

Of course, there’s the whole diet and exercise business. I mostly eat what I feel like eating, which is often large quantities of popcorn. I eat “real” food, too, I just don’t get overly excited about it. For exercise, I do a little body weight and dumbbell workout a couple of times a week, and play basketball a couple of times a week (but on a short court, because the running back and forth is the least fun part of basketball). Oh, and I take the stairs to the fourth floor at work. If I had to rate my fitness level, it’d be squarely in the “OK” range.

Hazards of exercise — yes, it was church basketball

Things changed up a bit a couple of months ago when work sponsored a “Body Fat Blast-Off!” program. I had mostly sworn off employer-sponsored fitness challenges early in my career when it was determined in one program that pushing my lawnmower around my yard for 45 minutes didn’t count as exercise, but if I had just walked in concentric circles for 45 minutes then that was totally exercise.

What attracted me to this recent program was that they were going to start and end with a full body scan that is apparently the new gold standard for determining body composition. That seemed kind of cool.

When I got my scan, I learned that my body fat percentage was 23.4%, which is at the high end of “average”. 25% or more would have been in the “above average” category, which by itself sounds like a nice category to be in — who doesn’t want to be “above average”? But for quantity of fat, it is sort of distressing. To be in the “fitness” category, I’d need to be at 17%, and “athlete” was clear down to 13%. The good news was that the fat I carry is almost perfectly distributed across my body — so while I have more than I might want, it is optimally hidden.

My body, apparently

Knowing my precise fat levels shook my self-perception as a skinny person, and was therefore motivating. I decided that I would double the duration of my strength workouts (using the Nike Training Club app), and add a 2-3 mile run each week. Over the course of the two month program, I didn’t miss a workout except for a few days in Disneyland where I walked something like 8 miles per day. I was feeling pretty good, and the scale showed me down a few pounds from my starting weight.

I was optimistic heading in to my end-of-program body scan. The result (drum roll…): I had lost 2.5 pounds — but it was all lean tissue. In other words, the result of my hard work was less muscle, and a resulting increase in my body fat percentage. I felt bitter and betrayed. Does that scanner thing even work, or is it totally bogus!? The guy going over my results wasn’t sure why I had poor results given the description of my exercise, but he decided that it was probably because I wasn’t eating enough, and especially protein.

He recommended eating 1 gram of protein for every pound of body weight per day. OK, I guess I haven’t really kept track of how much protein I eat. So let’s see, eggs are supposed to be a good source of protein, right? They have (according to Google) 6 grams of protein. Cool, I just need to eat… 2 dozen eggs per day!?! Yeah, I guess I’m not eating enough protein.

It wasn’t a total loss, though. My endurance is noticeably better — I played in a soccer game this week and didn’t require CPR after 3 minutes of sprinting. But in terms of advice on being a skinny person? I obviously don’t know. Maybe win the DNA lottery?

7 Replies to “How to Be a Skinny Person”

  1. Sorry about the black eye. I think about everyone in the family has had one, at least. So the whole body, weight thing is just a good story, which it was, and not helpful if you really want to be fit. Yes it is the DNA lottery, well that is what Aunt Jean (and I now agree) use to say all the time. Again a great post!

  2. Eric, I enjoyed your story. I have for most of my life gone thru reflective efforts to lower my body fat, I am on one such quest right now. Unfortunately they usually give rather meager and conflicting results.I have concluded genetics have a larger impact than what we mere mortals are able to achieve. Yeah lets blame it on our parents or 4th great grandpa. WAF

  3. Descending from the oldest European monarchy in Denmark, Gorm the Old and Harald Bluetooth in the 10th century…I used to hear family tales at my crib side. I knew I was descended from tall strong people, with old blue teeth. I always thought it was more ‘ale than tell. But after some unexpected success in my athletic young life (before you all knew me). I could palm, dribble, throw, hit, and ran strong happily averaging 5-18 mi into marriage. For some reason giving birth to 4 children heralding 10 lbs each took a toll on my lean protein levels and dribble of another sort. After OHSU confirmed giant-ism runs in our family and some other unusual genetic findings (we’re afraid to pursue presently), I continue to think, which “weigh” is truest? Am I tall up and down or side to side? Science at my core, I tested both for years. Apparently, both tests were successful. 🙂 Kerry continues to watch DNA experimentation while eating his lean rations of popcorn daily. 😉 Smithy’s, you’re all good in Old Harald Bluetooth’s family book. 😉

  4. I think sending this to me is a not so subtle way of telling me I have put on a few pounds, and I don’t think it is muscle! I notice that most people as they get older tend to “pork” up a bit so you are really doing well. I think if I did your fitness test my results would show up as deceased! I used to do a lot of sports activities so I kept in reasonable shape. Now after a couple of minutes of exercise my legs get tired and my back hurts. Therefore I decided that exercise was bad for you and so I cut way back on it. Unfortunately that adds more pounds and makes my legs tire more quickly and my back hurt more. There seems to be no way to win as I sure haven’t figured out a way to get younger!

  5. That is totally what I was thinking Alan. But I guess I already knew that. Enjoyed the story 🙂

  6. I wish my life was as fun as yours – but then maybe it is just your writing that makes it fun. I got my black eye playing softball so at least we were doing something athletic (instead of, say, running into a door or something). I noticed your fitness routine while I was there and wondered if I could have done what you do 10 years ago. Maybe, but I’m here to tell you, as your elder sister, that it only gets worse. I eat far less than I used to and try not to sit around all day – and yet, the body fat seems stickier the older I get. The moral of the story in my opinion is that if you want to be a skinny person you can never get old!

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