Issue 8

September 8, 1991 Issue 8 Provo, Utah

As most of you know, I spent my summer in London, England this year. I’m writing this to let you all know what I did while I was there, and what I’m doing now that I have returned to the States.

Why Did I Go to England, Anyway?

Earlier this year, there was a job fair at BYU for students looking for work in the computer industry. I attended and gave out as many resumes and got as many addresses to mail more of them out as I could. One of the companies that I approached was EDS, or Electronic Data Systems Corporation. I had to talk to several of the recruiters before I could find out anything about EDS’ interest in hiring me for the summer, and I was told that they really didn’t have any kind of an internship program set up, but there was the possibility of some international internships. My first reaction was that I probably wouldn’t want to leave the country for a summer job, but I sent in my resume anyway since I was sending them to anyone I could.

A few months later, I got a phone call from EDS saying that they wanted to send me to Europe for ten weeks to work for them. They would pay for flight over, my housing, my public transportation pass while there, and provide a modest salary as well. I was surprised that they had selected me entirely by my resume and cover letter, but was excited about the opportunity offered. Especially since I didn’t have any offers from the other companies I had applied at. So EDS flew me to Dallas, Texas for an orientation meeting one Saturday, and on May 27th, I was on my way to London.

Who Is EDS?

EDS is a company that provides information technology services for other companies. That sometimes involves operating that company’s computer equipment, and other times EDS lets that company use the computing resources they have at various information processing centers. EDS also writes software to meet the needs of clients they have.

The company is a subsidiary of General Motors, and provides all of the computing services for them. To give an idea of the size of EDS, they employ around 60,000 people worldwide, and are IBM’s biggest customer apart from the federal government. There are about 2,000 EDS employees in the United Kingdom.

What I Did For Them

I was sort of the victim of bad planning for a while, unfortunately. My first few weeks were very frustrating because I didn’t have any challenging work to do, and sometimes very little work at all to do. Eventually things picked up, and I worked hard to do whatever was given to me.

I was working in the Pan-European Technical Resource Acquisition department. We coordinated the buying, relocating and leasing of computer hardware and software to keep the European information processing centers running smoothly. My responsibilities included maintaining the technical library, building spreadsheets to report on negotiations or business with vendors, some product research, gathering information from the regions we coordinated, and many other little things.

I also did work for other departments, including some Portuguese translation, and some programming. The program-ming was the work that I enjoyed most of all, because it was the most challenging, the most fun, and the most related to my interests and studies. Everyone I did work for seemed pleased with the results, and my manager was occasionally surprised/ impressed. So despite the slow start, it was a good experience for me.

Living In London

Although the office where I worked was actually in the city of Uxbridge, to the west of London, I lived right in central London. I occasionally commented in letters that I was living in luxury, and location was one of the things that contributed to that. I actually lived in two different flats while there, but they were both just off of Baker Street. Baker Street is where Sherlock Holmes ‘lived’, so I bought a copy of the Sherlock Holmes novels from a store on Baker Street to read while there. The Baker Street Underground station is over 100 years old, and was part of the world’s first underground train system. Regent’s Park and Madame Tussaud’s famous wax museum are about a five minute walk away. Hyde Park and Oxford Street (a famous shopping street) are about ten minutes away by foot. I was also about a mile from Buckingham Palace, Picadilly Circus, Leicester Square, etc. In short I was right in the middle of it.

The other things that contributed to my luxury were the “niceness” of the flats (queen size bed, TV, VCR, well decorated, washer/dryer, nice furniture) and the fact that there was a housekeeper to clean it all up. So, with the combination of location and amenities, it cost 50 pounds a night for me to stay there, or about $80. In a way, that’s kind of silly since it is more than I was getting paid, but it really was a great place to live.

The Arts

Some of the things I liked most about London were the art galleries, the architecture, and the theater. I saw paintings by famous painters like Van Gogh, Picasso, Degas, Renoir, Michaelangelo, Monet, etc. There are so many amazing buildings–St. Paul’s Cathedral, Westminister Abbey, Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament. etc. And I saw six theatrical productions: “Macbeth”, “Henry the Fourth part 2”, “Miss Saigon”, “Me and My Girl”, “The Comedy of Errors”, and “The Phantom of the Opera”. They were all excellent, but “Henry IV” was hard to follow, not having read the script first, and “Miss Saigon” was kind of immoral. But the theater was definitely one of the most powerful experiences for me while there.

The British

I found the British to be very much like myself in many cases: Kind of distant at first, but very friendly once you get to know them. Of course people are people anywhere you go, and there were all kinds. Still, in general, I felt a certain kinship with them.

History

There are so many interesting stories to be told about London, and being on the spot where those event occurred makes them all the more poignant. I was fascinated with the Tower of London, and spent four or five hours there. The Imperial War Museum, dedicated to the World Wars, left a strong mark on me, too. I felt transported in time to the Battle of Britain, and was just amazed at the heroism of the British as they fought for their country. And when I was in the Museum of London, looking at displays from World War II of bomb shelters and pictures of German buzz bombs, I was amazed at how Londoners could live while the city was being constantly bombed. Then a couple came up to the display, and they would say, “I remember that.”

Britannia Ward

I went to church in a singles ward that met at the Hyde Park chapel. Being an American there was nothing novel for them, since the BYU Study Abroad students attended that ward as well. But the BYU students didn’t seem to integrate very well with the natives, so when I did get involved, it was kind of unique. I found the young people in the ward to be friendly, devoted to the gospel (though a little liberal with their interpretations at times), and missionary minded. They also liked to have fun, so there was a party practically every week. The family home evening discussions we had were especially interesting because at various times we had members from England, Scotland, Ireland, France, Germany, Italy, America, Hong Kong, Nigeria, the Phillipines, Russia and Lithuania, and it was interesting to hear their comments and perspectives. I made a lot of friends, and even went on a few dates with girls in the ward.

Outside of London

I did get a chance to do a little traveling. I went to the Cotswold District, where there are a lot of little villages amid the pleasant pastures of rural England. I also went to Oxford, Stratford Upon Avon, and the Salisbury area to see Stonehenge. My only trip to the continent was a weekend In Paris. It was a real budget trip, costing me only around $160 including air fare, but I saw most of the touristy things and had a good time.

Back Home In Korea

On August 28th I flew to Los Angeles to visit with my best friend and roommate Sang Kim. Sang’s parents immigrated to the States when he was twelve, but they haven’t picked up too much english in the time that they have been here so his home was very Korean still. Korean is the language of the house, and the food was also of that nationality, so it was more foreign to me than the foreign country I had been living in all summer. Sang and I went to BYU’s first football game of the season, which was at Anaheim Stadium, and despite our cheers, they lost. Oh, well. We also went to Magic Mountain for a day and rode the coasters until they lost most of their thrill.

Vivant Academia

The summer ends with the return to Provo, and starting classes again at BYU. This past week was the first week of class, and my first week at a new apartment complex in a new ward and a new stake, and with new roommates, so it was quite a time of change. These are the classes that I have: Technical Writing, Beginning Gymnastics, Brazilian History, Programming Environments, Introduction to Computational Theory, Database Systems, and Men’s Chorus. I’m really excited about being in Men’s Chorus, because it is something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but have been unable because I had to work while taking a full load of classes. I’m not working this semester, so money could be pretty tight, but I want to get my grades up a little, and enjoy myself a little too.

Thanks for the birthday cards, everyone, and the financial contributions as well. I also enjoyed the chance to talk to many of you yesterday, and look forward to seeing you probably around Christmas.

Love,

Eric James Smith, Ed.

Issue 7

August 7, 1990 Issue 7 Aloha, Oregon

In this issue:

It’s Not Just a Job…

For the past few whiles, I’ve been working as a security guard. But unless you are a professional at staying awake all night while doing nothing, I don’t recommend the job.

I’ve been guarding an apartment building right in the heart of downtown Portland from 0100 hours to 0900 hours, so anything that happens is some pretty major excitement. Like this one time, the elevator came down to the lobby, and the doors opened and (this was Really Exciting) there was no one inside!! Events of this magnitude happen as often as once every 96 hours.

The true source of mind wrenching terror is the tenants themselves. The building is equal opportunity housing, which means that everyone there has a Problem. The Problems divide neatly into two categories: mental and physical. Paranoid schizophrenics can be very interesting people. And sometimes the medical cards are tantalizingly vague, saying things like “psychotic disorder”. What’s even more fun is to have someone who is mentally disturbed come in drunk. This one guy came in and talked about Brazil, social security, testosterone injections and being forced to have a few beers–all in one sentence. Then he said that I scared the hell out of him. Some of the people are just kind of funny. One guy, who looked like he hadn’t slept since 1979 came down sipping on a Coke. He said he couldn’t sleep, so he thought he’d go out for a coffee.

Some of the folks are downright pleasant. One old lady gets up early every morning to feed the pigeons in the park. She always waves to me with this cute little wave, and goes out the door with a large sack of bread crumbs. But even she poses a sort of mystery. Where does she manage to get such a big bag of crumbs every day?

I could go on and on about the drug dealers and scandals with the other guards, but that’s all pretty boring. But there was a teen romance type of book sitting in the office that was checked out of the county library. It is 970 days over-due.

Think

I’ve been doing some reading on artificial intelligence lately, which I find fascinating. One author and researcher is of the opinion that computers are kind of worthless these days, and until we make them smarter, people will have to know all kinds of trash to be able to use them effectively. So since I’m a computer science major, and I would kind of like to work in artificial intelligence, all this stuff that I’m learning is the trash that will be put to use so that no one needs to know what I know, and if I’m truly successful, I’ll make myself obsolete.

But wouldn’t it be great to have smart computers? You could just talk to it in a regular voice, and say something like, “Gee, I’m kind of hungry.” The computer would then reply, “Well, since you didn’t go shopping you don’t have much to eat here in the house. Tom just got a pay raise today, though, so he wants to celebrate somehow–like taking a friend out to dinner, perhaps. Someone just gave him one last piece of work to do before he goes home, so can be reached at his office until 5:09 PM. Judy is in a cooking mood today so if you stop by at 5:34 PM she will invite you to dinner. By the way, the answer to that third calculus problem that you’ve been working on is the square root of pi, and it is going to begin raining in 53 seconds.”

Wanted

If anyone can find a pair of men’s black canvas shoes that have black rubber around the bottom edge instead of white, please contact me immediately. Oh, it would be best if they were new and for sale. I think that I own the only pair in the entire country, and mine are worn out. I think that I’m getting a little desperate in my search. I even look at people’s shoes in my dreams to see if they are wearing a pair like I want so I can ask them where they got them.

Other Stuff

I’ve been doing all kinds of other things, too. They all seemed very important at the time, and were very fun or productive or something.

But despite all of that, I’ll be headed back to Provo in about three weeks. No comment.

Gosh, I just got terribly depressed or something. Ha ha! Some humor is needed!

Spouse, n.:
Someone who’ll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single.
Fifth Law of Applied Terror:
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. Corollary: If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.

I feel better now.

Love,

Eric James Smith, Ed.

Issue 6

June 27, 1990 Issue 6 Aloha, Oregon

In this issue:

Silicate Intelligence Discovered

Until Saturday, the last time I had been to the beach was in November of 1988. and that was Copacabana Beach in Rio de Janeiro. So it had been quite a while since I visited my native coast. You see, I have this avulsion toward sand–I don’t trust it. I think sand grains are tiny intelligent beings who devote their existence to travel, especially by parasitic means. When you spend time on the beach, they jump into your shoes, your pockets, your hair, your gym bag (which you could have sworn you never even took to the beach) and by some undetermined means show up in your car and your house for months to follow.

But this week I decided I had been away too long, despite the risk, and went. My Dad (Milt) had rented a condo for the weekend, so I spent Saturday out there. It was a good beach, with coarse, less intelligent sand, and some good rocks. I like beaches with rocks. Not the kind that you pick up and throw in the water, but the kind that weigh roughly the same as a small shopping mall. There’s something about standing out there as the waves crash against the rocks with the tide coming in. It kind of makes me imagine watching a fireworks display from a distance of three feet. The tide coming in adds that certain extra thrill as you realize that at any time a “sneaker” wave could send hundreds of pounds of water over the place where you’re standing. sweeping you off the ledge to a painful death in the frothy rocks below. By the time I personally came to this realization. I was standing at a more respectable distance.

We drove up to the top of Cape Foulweather to see the view, and my Dad (whose wanderlust has taken him to every part of the world except Australia) said to me. “The Oregon coast is as pretty as any you’ll find in the world.” After a pause and a shiver he added. “It could be a lot warmer, though.”

Were We Worth It?

My sister Phyllis and her two-year-old daughter Kayla have been visiting us at home for the past week, and by some careful observation of my niece. I’ve come to the conclusion that children are a mixed deal. Kayla cries and whines for juice. but when her Mom finally gets some mixed up. she doesn’t want any. There are toys and children’s books all over the place. But the most impressive of Kayla’s feats so far was when she went into the laundry room, scooped up handfuls of detergent and placed little piles on chairs and up the stairs. The amazing thing was that her mess, which took about an half hour to clean up, was created in roughly four microseconds. But on the other side, she so cute!

Mommie: “Twinkle, twinkle little…”
Kayla: STAR!!!
Mommie: “How I wonder what you…”
Kayla: “ARE!!!” etc.

So I guess cuteness is the redeeming characteristic that allowed us all to survive our childhood under the hand of mess cleaning up, diaper changing (popular subcategory of mess cleaning up) parents.

Famous Computer Companies

But unfortunately, the summer hasn’t been all fun and games. I have actually done some work, just sort of to give my mother a shock. Central Point Software, makers of the world famous PC Tools, was in desperate need of my skills. So they immediately took advantage of my vast computer science education and put me to work putting little stickers onto program disks. I honestly don’t know where I would have been without that machine language class as I was checking slipcases for creases, and how could I have possibly survived collating warranty cards without my discrete mathematics? I was even able to share some of my extensive training in one-on-one teaching oppourtunities:

Me: “Well actually, that’s not a hard disk at all. It’s a 3 1/2″ floppy disk. A hard disk, in almost every case, is a fixed storage medium. We wouldn’t likely be shuffling through these like this if these were hard disks.”

Some Dude: “Yeah? Well these ones here are a lot harder than them other ones over there.”

Me: “Well, that’s true. They are hard disks, but they aren’t hard disks. Calling them hard disks is sort of a technological catachresis and is bound to cause some confusion.”

Some Dude: “Oh. Well, everyone here calls them hard disks.”

Me: “Okay. Fine. Hand me another stack of hard disks please.”

And aside from Central Point Software. I’m sure many of you have heard of the famous Intel Corporation. Well. I’ve heard of them too.

And that’s about how my huge cash collecting summer is turning out.

That’s The End?

E assim vai a vida. Oh. I should say somewhere in this issue that I’m sorry. Doggone sorry. This issue should have been out weeks ago. Not that I was overwhelmed by a deluge letters provoked from the last issue, mind you. but I’ve always wanted to be a published writer, so I’m having a heck of a good time. So unteel zee next time. I preezent you wit some eenspeerational toughts:

“I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There’s a knob called ‘brightness.’ but it doesn’t work.” — Gallagher.

Some people wouldn’t recognize subtlety if it hit them in the head.

Afternoon.
n.: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.

And finally, always keep in mind the two constant Laws of Frisbee:

  1. The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc straining to land under a car, just out of reach (this force is technically termed “car suck”).
  2. Never precede any maneuver by a comment more predictive than “Watch this!”

Love,

Eric James Smith, Ed.

Issue 5

May 6, 1990 Issue 5 Aloha, Oregon

In this issue:

Touching Home Plate

It’s quite an amazing idea to me, but The Colony’s own 750 East and Butternut Drive are connected by a continuous strip of pavement And sure enough, starting at one end and driving long enough, you get to the other end.

But my drive home was fairly uneventful. Well, except for the torrential rain. Oh, and the headwind was so strong I could have put in the clutch and it would have pushed me backward down the freeway. My little truck even had to take a breather and absolutely refused to go more than 100 yards before stalling until I would let it rest sufficiently. Did I mention the snow?

It seems like everyone, in an attempt to argue the “beauty” of Utah, says, “But hey, check out them mountains.”‘ Imagine this now: sheer, rocky cliff faces with an occasional waterfall spilling over the edge; high green hills mountains with trees taller than shrubbery and growing so densely that a person couldn’t pass between them. Welcome to the Columbia River Gorge.

Out of Touch With…

But let me tell you, it’s a good thing that I’m home. Why, I’ve done some pretty important things while here. I’ve cleaned up the downtown areas of some rough criminals, sharpened up my karate skills by participating in full contact sparring, and rescued a princess. And aside from the video games, I’ve mowed the lawn.

And also, not being in school, I’ve had time to think. Yes, think about some of the vital issues that face our society today. Like, why do they call it a ‘strike’ when you miss the ball or don’t swing at all. In my dictionary (the abridged one) I find 73 definitions for ‘strike’, and most of those involve some sort of contact. And I’ve also thought about the value of mayonnaise as hair conditioner. They wrote in the Oregonian, “It’s got protein and vinegar and all kinds of wonderful things for your hair.” Monty Python once did a bit advertising a shampoo, saying that “it will get your hair so clean you could eat off of it.” Now someone seems to be spicing things up a bit.

Men’s Liberation

The equal rights movement seems to have have taken great strides at a certain California college (which shall remain nameless, since I forgot the name) in the past week when the trustees decided to allow men to enroll in their undergraduate program. One student demonstrated a most noble anti-sexist attitude when she said something so close to the following that I’ll even use quotation marks “We deal with men at bars and in social situations. We don’t want to have to put up with them in the classroom.” Three cheers for the board of trustees!

Unemployment Statistics

Recent studies have shown that of all BYU students currently living on Butternut Drive, 100% are unemployed. County officials have yet to present a plan to rectify this crisis situation. I must say, being such a great factor in this statistic, I hope something can be done in the not-too-distant future. Intel looks rather bleak, and Mentor Graphics was kind enough to at least put my resume on file. Some glimmer of hope still remains with Sequent, but they still say d.c.u.w.c.y. Which only goes to show, that even if the president of the company gets your resume personally delivered to him, it means little or nothing. You need connections in personnel

Keeping in Touch

As the more perspicacious newcomers may have already noticed, the purpose of this publication is to reveal the thoughts, activities, and dilemmas of the editor. His views are the official opinions of this publication.

If you would ever like to behold another issue of Sparks from the Smithy, I suggest that you write to the editor. Here is the address in case you mutilated the envelope or disposed of it in some other way without realizing the valuable content of the return address area:

Sparks from the Smithy
c/o E. Smith

I miss you all, please let me know what exciting or boring things you have been up to.

Love,

Eric James Smith, Ed.

Issue 4

March 23, 1990 Issue 4 Aloha, Oregon

In this issue:

Opera in the Amazon

“After 81 years of operatic silence, the rainforest came alive again. The Teatro Amazonas, in Manaus reopened after extensive remodeling. First opened in 1896, at the height of the rubber boom that made Manaus one of the hemisphere’s richest cities, the Teatro Amazonas has suffered the same sorry decline as the city – until its recent rebirth as a free-trade zone. No opera company has performed here since 1909, and the theater has been used only sparingly for theater and musical performances.” (The Wall Street Journal. March 12, 1990 page A6).

While in Brazil, Milt Cathy and I all visited the opera house and went on a tour amid scaffoldings and paint strippers to see what the place had once been. The visitors no longer need hard hats, for the renovation is complete and the first performance in years opened just last Saturday.

Loving Harmony

The BYU Philharmonic played last night, and I was one of the privileged few who couldn’t get tickets to go see The Nylons concert in-stead. Though I suppose that it turned out alright since the difference in ticket prices let me buy dinner for my date and still spend less money. The orchestra played Stravinsky’s Firebird Suite, which made Beethoven’s Triple Concerto seem kind of bland in comparison. The only piece I was very familiar with was Till Eulenspiegel, by Richard Strauss. Ah, there’s nothing like live music. One of my missionary companions played violin for the orchestra.

After the concert, my date Molly (poor girl–she gets the Molly Mormon bit all the time) and I went to La Dolce Vita for some gnocci. Que del�cia

Getting My Kicks

Last week in my karate class, we had some people come over from the UVCC karate club to spar with us. I’m in the highest belt rank our school has to this point – yellow, but these guys were black and brown belts. So this was mostly for our experience, and they kind of went easy on us. I was complimented greatly on my fighting, though, and got some good shots in on the black belts. I must admit that I got a little pounded myself.

Tonight we have promotions, so if all goes well, I’ll be an orange belt. I’m starting to feel that I could actually use some of my skills in a real situation if I needed to. I guess the real test would be if someone were to try to hit me. I would be perfectly content without the real test.

Repeatables

“A not not is not a not squared because that would be a Boy Scout activity. No, a not not is not a not at all”
–Me, explaining what my CS 152 teacher just said.

Inquisitive Blonde: “Hey, how ya doin’?”
Testing Center-blasted Man: “I don’t know”
Blonde: “Where ya coming from?”
Blasted Man: “Uh, I don’t remember.”
–Student Review, Eavesdropper (supposedly real dialogue)

“Wealth does not bring about excellence, but excellence brings about wealth and all other public and private blessings for men.”
–Socrates.

“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
–Derek Blok

Smithy Dataline

Any comments, correspondence, suggestions, submissions, rumors, philosophy, etc. can now be uploaded onto the Smithy Dataline. Just give me a call at 801-373-4327 and I’ll set things up. Then call the same number using a modem and you’ll be online. I’ll give you a password when you call ‘voice’. Sounds like fun.

Until next time,
Tchau!

Love,

Eric James Smith, Ed.

Issue 3

February 15, 1990 Issue 3 Provo, Utah

In this issue:

The Slopes of Sundance

After four years, I finally went skiing again. I went up to Sundance, Robert Redford’s resort, and the day was absolutely beautiful. The sky was clear blue, and the snow was only a day old. I went with Brett, who also works at the Sears Telecatalog Center. After a couple of weeks of working together, we also discovered that he lives across the street from me here in the Colony, so we carpool to work now and are becoming good friends. An Italian girl and another guy from Brett’s ward also went up. I was the worst skier of the bunch, but they said I was doing great for not having been on the slopes for so long.

One time I was skiing like a madman, flying down the slope at surely remarkable speeds. To avoid another skier I cut into the trees, went over a snow-covered boulder, did a double front flip with a half twist in the air, and broke my ski in half when I landed. (Well really I was just coming down the slope and crashed and broke my ski off at the tip, but all my roommates thought that that was too dull of a story so I made up the part above.) So I guess I’ll have to look for some more ski’s. I did get to ride a snowmobile down to the base of the mountain so I could rent some ski’s for the rest of the day, and that was quite fun. I enjoyed the whole trip, and was quite proud of my sunburn until my face just started to flake.

Jammin’ Ammon Hits Provo

Rebecca Gustafson’s wedding reception was the happening place to be last weekend. Many of the Gustafson family were here for the wedding like mom and dad, Alex, Nephi, Debbie, Lia, and (to my great amazement and pleasure) Ammon. In the line were about eight blonde girls, none of whom I recognized, so I figured they were the groom’s sisters. I just about fell over backwards when one of them said, “Oh, hi! I remember you.” it was Debbie. Five years have made her a mighty fine looking young lady. Carl and Louise were really excited to see me.

The groom was a pretty nice guy. After all, his name is Erik and he speaks Portuguese, and those are sure characteristics of greatness. I saw there Kaylyn, Heather and Debbie Briggs all with their husbands, and Lynne Duncombe.

I waited around until Ammon was free of his responsibilities, then we loaded all the wedding gifts into the Nissan and took them over to the newlyweds’ house. Ammon and I talked quite a bit, and we watched a movie over at my apartment. I drove him up to Salt Lake a little after midnight, and we sort of got lost for a while because Ammon didn’t remember exactly how to get to his grandparent’s house. I got home at about 3:00 AM, but that’s okay. It was great to see him and spend some time with him.

Breakfast with Pay

We had a little Valentine’s Day party with our team at work. Since we all get there at work at 7:00 AM, we decided to make it a breakfast. The party lasted for half our shift, and we had waffles, hash browns, scrambled eggs, bacon, muffins, orange juice and milk – surely the best breakfast I’ve had this year.

My job is quite perfunctory these days, but I’ll survive for another few months. I had a performance evaluation last month and I received the highest possible rating. I was pleased.

Jumping to Conclusions

We had our first test for my CS 162 class, and it wasn’t so fun. We have been studying formal logic and formal proofs, so the last question was this: We were given the three statements: ‘If the TV set is not broken, then I will not study.’ ‘If I study, then I will pass the course.’ ‘I will not pass the course.’ From these we were to come to a valid conclusion about whether ‘I’ studied or not, and the working condition of the TV. Of course, we had to do it all symbolically, stating the rules of inference that we used at each step, but that’s not important. It’s obvious that ‘I’ didn’t study – that’s: very easy to see, but I struggled to come to some kind of conclusion about the TV set. What do you think? Did it work or not? Well, I looked at all the strange rules of inference that I could, like modus ponens, hypothetical syllogisms, etc. and my final conclusion was this: it is not possible to come to any valid conclusion with regards to the working condition of the TV. I was kind of nervous about leaving that as my answer, since I felt like the teacher probably expected that the problem could be done. When we asked him about it in class later, he had a solution all worked out. I kind of thought, oh well, but we examined his reasoning and found it faulty. In fact, the exact problem was an exercise in the book, and the answer in the back confirmed what I had said – there is no way to conclude whether the TV worked or not. Ah, sweet is the taste of victory.

Personals

Phyllis & Kent: Thanks for the letter. I didn’t send you mine because I didn’t have your address until just now. Thanks for the picture, too.

Mom & Dean: Thanks for the Valentine’s card. The truck is fine.

Dad START is the name of the magazine I’ve subscribed to. I have a coupe of their past issues and it Is a pretty good magazine too. I also just got an offer in the mail for it to get two free issues so it worked out great.

Alan: Hi.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FEBRUARY PEOPLE!
Richard, Jeff, Kerry, Aaron, George and Abe.
I hope I didn’t miss anyone.

Until next time, remember “How can you have a refining fire without some heat?” — Neil A. Maxwell.

Issue 2

January 24, 1990 Issue 2 Provo, Utah

In this issue:

First Word

This issue of Sparks is, in part, an attempt to share some of what I’ve learned lately. Elder Russell M. Nelson said, “The difference between hoping you could do something great for society and doing something great for society is education.” Elder Nelson, being one of the pioneers of the heart lung machine and open heart surgery seems to know what he is talking about.

An Evening with Alan Ashton

On Tuesday, the 23rd, I had the chance to attend a fairly small and informal meeting with Alan Ashton, president of WordPerfect. WordPerfect is the world leader in word processing software, and is based just next door in Orem. To give you an idea of how well the company is doing, a couple of years ago they sent all of their employees to Hawaii as a bonus for having doubled their sales that year. But Dr. Ashton clearly doesn’t take himself too seriously. He welcomed all questions and comments from us, shared some experiences about his family and gave away baseball caps while he related some of the history of his company. He also gave M&M’s to everyone present because two M’s are significant to his accomplishments. Mathematics, firstly, since he was a professor at BYU teaching math and computer science, and also Music, because his partner was the director of the Cougar Marching Band (in addition to being a talented programmer.)

The Woes of Calculus

Despite the delightful news that my CS152 class (discrete mathematics) has nothing to do with calculus, my Math 113 class has everything to do with calculus. So what’s wrong with calculus anyway? Well, all through my math related education I simplified expressions and solved equations and stuff like that. Calculus has this general tendency to complicate expressions. You start with a somewhat complex but nicely arranged rational function with an integral sign in the front and through the wonders of calculus turn it into a loathsome mathematical monstrosity. I have been able to apply a calculus principle in a more general sense, though. This is the technique of substitution. When I’m working on a particularly grueling problem, I simply substitute my homework from other classes in the place of my calculus homework and I feel much better. Discrete mathematics, we refer to affectionately as the Mickey Mouse dot-to-dot class. It is a little difficult to explain exactly what I mean by that, but there is one thing of interest we learned that I’d like to share. Suppose you want to color a map. Any map. But you want each region to have a color different from all the colors of the regions that are adjacent to it. At most, how many colors will you need? Just four. And there is a systematic way of doing the coloring, too. So that’s a sample of what we learn In that class.

Why I’m So Good at Computer Games

Years ago, Kerry used to get really mad at me when we would be playing Atari because he was sure that somehow I was cheating by talking to the computer. But really, in those days, I didn’t know how to talk to a computer. Only now am I learning the language. When you program a computer in BASIC or Pascal, you are only communicating with the computer by way of an interpreter (just like if you were speaking to a person who doesn’t understand English). But now I am learning a little machine language to be able to actually communicate with a computer in its native tongue. It is very interesting. So now Kerry can have grounds for suspicion…

The Choir of Choirs

On Sunday I had the privilege of seeing live the weekly installment of the longest continuous broadcast in the free world. It was the 3,153rd broadcast of “Music and the Spoken Word.” What a great feeling to be in the Tabernacle and hear the choir sing. In attendance were the Governor of Utah and his wife, as well as several general authorities of the Church. John Longhurst, for an organ solo, played “Toccata” from Ave Maria by Charles-Marie Widor. It seems like that is a favorite of Dean’s, as I remember.

Ancient Scripture

It’s a strange thing how numb you can become when not studying the scriptures like you ought to. Numb is a good word because you don’t feel the lack. There was a letter in the priesthood manual that I found interesting in this regard:

“Dear Edgar You told me of an experience you once had with a deer-hunting companion in the high Uinta mountains late one fall in bitter cold and stormy weather. Your companion had become lost, panicky and exhausted from running over the mountainside. He had finally lain down under a pine tree, and by sheer luck you had come upon him before he froze to death. He was still conscious and could talk to you but in his numbed condition, claimed he was not cold at all. No amount of coaxing on your part could persuade him to get up and move around. He begged to be left alone, insisting he was perfectly comfortable and got sore [angry] when you dragged him to his feet and made him move. He really cussed you plenty, you said, when you at last in desperation picked up a stick and laid one or two across his back until he moved to get out of the reach of it. You had to drive him more than a mile like that, for every time you got sympathetic and eased up with the stick, he’d lie down again. Finally, however, you got him moving faster and faster to get out of the way of the stick and his blood warmed up and began circulating so when he could think clearly again he thanked you with tears in his eyes time and time again for using the stick and saving his life.”

I’m glad right now to be able to take two religion classes so that I can overcome some of the numbness that I had. Last semester I was really overpowered by the secular, but now I’m trying to get some more balance, “For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his soul?”

Last Word

I actually sat down today with the intent to only write a little of the text for this issue. But the substitution method seems to work pretty well with this to avoid doing my calculus homework until the last possible moment (or later). I’d love to hear from you all!

Issue 1

December 30, 1989 Issue 1 Provo, Utah

In this issue:

A New Source of Information

Now that I have some real desktop publishing capabilities, I thought It appropriate to make good use of them. Some of you may have read the newspaper-like letter that I made a few months ago. That trick wasn’t repeated because, in all honesty, it was a pain in the neck to set it up, and it didn’t look that good in the end anyway. So here it is, the start of something that I hope will last. I hope that Sparks from the Smithy will eventually become the world’s forum for all intellectual writing, and after that, I hope to print The Far Side.

-The Editor

Provo Welcomes Eric Home

After a mostly uneventful flight from PDX to SLC (except for some nauseating bread with strange fruit-things stuck in it) Uncle Gordon came and drove me back to Provo. My roommate, Bob, in the embodiment of the entire population of the city declared, “Oh, hey. You’re back. Was that your dad you were with?” The apartment is a little empty though. Notably missing are Brian, Sang, and a plate of chocolates I had left in my cupboard. The Sears Telecatalog Center was also rather desolate when I returned to work. I wondered, “Now why was it that I didn’t get a few more days off’?” Then I remembered that they were paying me to be there and earning money is conducive to eating.

BYU Blows the Bowl

In surely one of the most nerve racking football games ever played, BYU hit the gridiron with their powerful, muscular, intelligent squad and, sadly, lost. Ty Detmer passed for some three million yards but had to learn the hard way that he ought to fall down faster when he gets sacked or hold on to the ball tighter. My roommate, Sang, who was actually there to see it all live must surely be thinking, “I came all this way, paid all this money for this?” And it looks like dinner is on Kent.

Math Stuff

I’m happy to discover that discrete mathematics is not calculus, It deals with trees, paths, ordered pairs and, I assume, other landscaping subjects. I bought the textbook the other day, and I’m also happy to discover that the authors don’t like to make use of words such as “obviously” and ”clearly” which are surely the most frustrating words In the English language when in a certain context. For example “…then, differentiating f(g(x)) implicitly twice and with some algebraic manipulation after dividing both functions by a random number between 3.76 and 2,133,942 and holding the resulting equation up to a mirror, this is obviously special case of theorem 2.1. as Illustrated in figure 97.232.” (Okay, so I made this up, but I swear there is stuff like that In my calculus text book.) It is sure to be a fun semester with both calculus and discrete mathematics.

Shrug

In Conclusion

Well, hasn’t this been fun. You know, after spending a lot of time doing this, I’ve discovered that this isn’t so easy either, but it will look a heck of a lot better than that one newspaper-type letter. Or at least it had better.

I actually have no idea how full my layout frames will be after I import all of this text, and seeing how as I don’t really have much more to write about since I’ve seen most of my readers within the last couple of days, I guess I’ll end this here. Well, unless there is all kinds of nasty negative white space that I have to deal with. Then who knows what I’ll do?

Smitty’s Local Report – February 19, 1980

SMITH HOUSE REPAINTED

Because of the up coming party that is to be held before the SWEETHART BALL at our home, Beth Peden has agreed to paint our home the inside of course because it is much too cold to paint the outside. We will have the hose the same color, but a lot brighter because of the stove which heats our home has made the walls all black. We are quite glad the dirty walls will be clean once again.

HELP FOR CLEAN*UP NEEDED

Talking to the mother of the home where the party is to be held we have found that her children will be gladly helping her clean up the home.

The children were very glad to help the mother of the party out. We the reporters of th SMITTY’S LOCAL REPORT would like to congradulate the children for hel ping out thier mother.

THE GOLDEN SHOE

While Beth Peden was painting she steped into a pan or puddle of wet paint. Not knowing she spred paint all over the place. So, if you walk down the hall you may see something gold just give thanks to the GOLDEN SHOE.

DEAN LEAVES FOR GRANTS PASS

Dean Peden will leave for beautiful Grants Pass tommorow. He wil go down to repair organs. He will be returning Friday night. We sure will miss him Mom will have to drive to seminary. Oh well. Sorry he left today. Just heard from one of our reporters.

SPORTS

BLAZERS VS. KNICKS – During the game we led most of time at the end of the half the score was 51 to 50 Portland Trailblazers ahead.

Smitty’s Local Report – February 18, 1980

NATIONAL HOLIDAY

Today is a national holiday it is PRESIDENT’S DAY. On this day most people get out of school or work. The government tells us when to celabrate the day of AbrahamLincoln and George Washington’s birthday. It is a great time to pay our tribute to these two great presidents. So, get out your cherry pies but don’t expect your mail to come.

reporter Phyllis Smith

SWEET SIXTEEN BIRTHDAY

TOday some we all know very well is celebrating her sweet sixteen birthday, Kathy Coffey. She was questioned by our reporter how she felt about being sixteen she said that she really was’nt enjoying her day because she had to get rid of her dog Snoopy. But, she said she would get a bird because she got rid of her dog. The kind of bird she is looking forward to getting is a finch she already has a cage for it, and says she just can not wait. She will not get her presents until late tonight when her mother comes home. Kathy then will spend the evening doing something of her choice.

CLASSIFIED

Need some dog food for 32 cans that only cost $4.25 call 649-8497

FREE Labrador Retriever 1 year old black and very loving just call your local dog pound.

DAY AT THE BEACH

Dean and Beth Peden and Kerry Smith spent a day a the b each on February 18, 1980

They reported that the day had been somewhat cold and rainy but other than that had a quite good time. Dean had to work most of the time but, did have time to visit some good friends. They report they are in good health.

Kerry, Dean and Beth hope they can return soon, back to the Oregon Coast.

RICK FIND A NEW JOB

For those who do not know Rick Curtis has found a new job. He now installs installation. He does seem to enjoy the work and of course the money.

As we all know he has been out of a job for a long time and he very grateful to be able to support himself. NOW he wont have to give hiss Camaro back.

EDITORIALS

Not having dinner done when you get home from church is a pain in the stomach. -Dean Peden

Do’nt wait for your Mr. Right to come along, do something with yourself until he does come. UNKNOWN

POLICE VISIT OUR HOME

We know that Ricks music is very loud, wel we do not think it will be too loud for a while at 5:30 today the police came to our home and told Rick had his music way too loud. The people from down the street called the police. So, for at least awhile we will have no loud music.

Both Eric and I were rather surprised to see a police car in our driveway. But not really because the music was very loud.

BACK TO SCHOOL

After a four day weekend it is time to go back to school. On Friday we had a snow day so that was one day the weekend of course then presidents day. The students of all ages were glad to have this four day. IT was quite a good rest.