{"id":167,"date":"1990-05-05T23:00:00","date_gmt":"1990-05-06T06:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/esmithy.net\/sparks\/1990\/05\/05\/issue-5\/"},"modified":"1990-05-05T23:00:00","modified_gmt":"1990-05-06T06:00:00","slug":"issue-5","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/esmithy.net\/sparks\/1990\/05\/05\/issue-5\/","title":{"rendered":"Issue 5"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"header\">\n<table border=\"0\" summary=\"dateline\">\n<tr>\n<td class=\"issue\" width=\"35%\">May 6, 1990<\/td>\n<td class=\"issue\" width=\"31%\" align=\"center\">Issue 5<\/td>\n<td class=\"issue\" width=\"33%\" align=\"right\">Aloha, Oregon<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n<h2>In this issue:<\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"#home-plate\">Touching Home Plate<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"#out-of-touch\">Out of Touch With<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"#mens-lib\">Men&#8217;s Liberation<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"#unemployment\">Unemployment Statistics<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"#in-touch\">Keeping in Touch<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2><a name=\"home-plate\"><\/a>Touching Home Plate<\/h2>\n<p>It&#8217;s quite an amazing idea to me, but The Colony&#8217;s own 750 East and Butternut Drive are connected by a continuous strip of pavement And sure enough, starting at one end and driving long enough, you get to the other end.<\/p>\n<p>But my drive home was fairly uneventful. Well, except for the torrential rain. Oh, and the headwind was so strong I could have put in the clutch and it would have pushed me backward down the freeway. My little truck even had to take a breather and absolutely refused to go more than 100 yards before stalling until I would let it rest sufficiently. Did I mention the snow?<\/p>\n<p>It seems like everyone, in an attempt to argue the &#8220;beauty&#8221; of Utah, says, &#8220;But hey, check out them mountains.&#8221;&#8216; Imagine this now: sheer, rocky cliff faces with an occasional waterfall spilling over the edge; high green hills mountains with trees taller than shrubbery and growing so densely that a person couldn&#8217;t pass between them. Welcome to the Columbia River Gorge.<\/p>\n<h2><a name=\"out-of-touch\"><\/a>Out of Touch With&#8230;<\/h2>\n<p>But let me tell you, it&#8217;s a good thing that I&#8217;m home. Why, I&#8217;ve done some pretty important things while here. I&#8217;ve cleaned up the downtown areas of some rough criminals, sharpened up my karate skills by participating in full contact sparring, and rescued a princess. And aside from the video games, I&#8217;ve mowed the lawn.<\/p>\n<p>And also, not being in school, I&#8217;ve had time to think. Yes, think about some of the vital issues that face our society today. Like, why do they call it a &#8216;strike&#8217; when you miss the ball or don&#8217;t swing at all. In my dictionary (the abridged one) I find 73 definitions for &#8216;strike&#8217;, and most of those involve some sort of contact. And I&#8217;ve also thought about the value of mayonnaise as hair conditioner. They wrote in the Oregonian, &#8220;It&#8217;s got protein and vinegar and all kinds of wonderful things for your hair.&#8221; Monty Python once did a bit advertising a shampoo, saying that &#8220;it will get your hair so clean you could eat off of it.&#8221; Now someone seems to be spicing things up a bit.<\/p>\n<h2><a name=\"mens-lib\"><\/a>Men&#8217;s Liberation<\/h2>\n<p>The equal rights movement seems to have have taken great strides at a certain California college (which shall remain nameless, since I forgot the name) in the past week when the trustees decided to allow men to enroll in their undergraduate program. One student demonstrated a most noble anti-sexist attitude when she said something so close to the following that I&#8217;ll even use quotation marks &#8220;We deal with men at bars and in social situations. We don&#8217;t want to have to put up with them in the classroom.&#8221; Three cheers for the board of trustees!<\/p>\n<h2><a name=\"unemployment\"><\/a>Unemployment Statistics<\/h2>\n<p>Recent studies have shown that of all BYU students currently living on Butternut Drive, 100% are unemployed. County officials have yet to present a plan to rectify this crisis situation. I must say, being such a great factor in this statistic, I hope something can be done in the not-too-distant future. Intel looks rather bleak, and Mentor Graphics was kind enough to at least put my resume on file. Some glimmer of hope still remains with Sequent, but they still say d.c.u.w.c.y. Which only goes to show, that even if the president of the company gets your resume personally delivered to him, it means little or nothing. You need connections in personnel<\/p>\n<h2><a name=\"in-touch\"><\/a>Keeping in Touch<\/h2>\n<p>As the more perspicacious newcomers may have already noticed, the purpose of this publication is to reveal the thoughts, activities, and dilemmas of the editor. His views <em>are<\/em> the official opinions of this publication.<\/p>\n<p>If you would ever like to behold another issue of Sparks from the Smithy, I suggest that you write to the editor. Here is the address in case you mutilated the envelope or disposed of it in some other way without realizing the valuable content of the return address area:<\/p>\n<p>Sparks from the Smithy<br \/> c\/o E. Smith<br \/> &#8230;<\/p>\n<p>I miss you all, please let me know what exciting or boring things you have been up to.<\/p>\n<p>Love,<\/p>\n<\/p>\n<p>Eric James Smith, Ed.<\/p>\n<p class=\"copyright\">Copyright \ufffd <a href=\"mailto:ericsmith@email.com\">Eric Smith<\/a>, 1989-1998, All rights reserved.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>May 6, 1990 Issue 5 Aloha, Oregon In this issue: Touching Home Plate Out of Touch With Men&#8217;s Liberation Unemployment Statistics Keeping in Touch Touching Home Plate It&#8217;s quite an amazing idea to me, but The Colony&#8217;s own 750 East and Butternut Drive are connected by a continuous strip of pavement And sure enough, starting &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/esmithy.net\/sparks\/1990\/05\/05\/issue-5\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;Issue 5&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_s2mail":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-167","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-familynews"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/esmithy.net\/sparks\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/167","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/esmithy.net\/sparks\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/esmithy.net\/sparks\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/esmithy.net\/sparks\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/esmithy.net\/sparks\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=167"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/esmithy.net\/sparks\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/167\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1861,"href":"https:\/\/esmithy.net\/sparks\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/167\/revisions\/1861"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/esmithy.net\/sparks\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=167"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/esmithy.net\/sparks\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=167"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/esmithy.net\/sparks\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=167"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}